Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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