I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
