He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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