oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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