So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
