Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
