Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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