Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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