After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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