I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
