would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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