our cab driver is having phone sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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