Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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