I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
