Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
