Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
