There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
