So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
