I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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