I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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