new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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