you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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