i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
