you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
