: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
