this beer tastes like vomit already
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
