she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
