I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize