Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
