Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
