I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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