You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
