Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
