I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
