I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
