you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
