It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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