You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize