He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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