i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
