Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
