Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize