The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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