Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
