are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize