I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
