She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
