So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I die, sorry about rent.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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