So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
