is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
