Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize