I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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