went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
