If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
