Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
