He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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