guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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