Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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