guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
