i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
