How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize