things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
