you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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