Michael Bay diarrhea
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
