I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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