we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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