At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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