I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
