oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize