I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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