I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I love black thongs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
