things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
