Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
