we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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