I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
