1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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