he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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