This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
