Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
