I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
