It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
