But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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