Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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