1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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