Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
