My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize