That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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