Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize