My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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