I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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