ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize