I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
