Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
