He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize