Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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