Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
