I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
