Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
