After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize