You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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