idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
