Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
