Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
