dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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