i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
