It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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