We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
