I wannas sexs uuuuu
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
