i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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