There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize