Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
