You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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