Fuck appropriateness.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
